[Satan is so cute. Mammon is fine with Satan racing his way to the Up without him, watching him vanish in a wave of silky hair bolting down the streets. So he'll take his time returning to their apartment, making sure Satan has time to do whatever he is planning.
And opening the door he finds... not a lot. That's fine. This has been quite the learning experience once again for him, for how little was done for his birthday. Satan would find that out himself soon, something Mammon must keep in mind to celebrate his friend next month. To try and find something truly Gehennan for him.
...Profits from first few days of running. Wages came outta my money only, from those Duo-Cam things. I know it's not a lot, but...
It's independence, Mammon. It's something that's ours. And since the place isn't all that great yet, even if I did it for you-- I figured this'd be a better present. Actual money. Just for you. Been stashing it in my pillowcase, kahahaha!
[And he expectantly nudges the envelope forward, looking very, very pleased with himself all the while.] Plus I got all the girls to write something in a card in there, too. Lots of 'looking forward to working with you' shit, but next year it'll be better, I bet.
[Hm. Mammon opening the envelope and with a single glance at the money inside is able to count it. It is... fine. Satisfactory enough considering their situation. However he still has to check,] When you say 'profits' this is after the removal of costs for upkeep, correct? [Just in case! Making sure Satan actually knows what 'profit' is!
And yet, a glance at the money, and knowing what was in their accounting books, plus taking into consideration other sources... yes, it looked correct. Mammon taking a moment to also look at the card, reading it over and holding it carefully as if it was made from gold. Something precious. Because it was a gift. And it was his.] One mentioned my chest in it. [Ha! Cute.
With his moment of concern relieved, Mammon smiles to Satan.] Thank you. It is a most suitable gift, I shall put it to good use. [Ah, with that thought as well,] Satan, we need to dedicate a place in the apartment you will not damage. [Aka, Mammon needs a treasury room! Or a treasury corner at least. For his stuff.]
Fucker! I said profits, didn't I?! I said the wages were taken care of, didn't I?! Of course it's all been taken care of! ...And of course they'd write about your tits. I think one of them wrote about your thighs? Somethin' about putting them around her head. I dunno. They're all pretty sweet on you, though.
[Huff puff. Fuck you bro they are HIS people! How very dare you. But it's to be expected, really; who couldn't go gooey over Mammon's smile, after all?
Bar Satan. Who grits his teeth even more at that blithe jab. Crunch. It's been a hot minute since the last Crunch.] I've been avoiding breaking shit, you know. You act like I tear shit down all the time! I've been good! Got a lotta stress out knocking out some of the shit at the restaurant. [Like load bearing walls. No, kidding, not anything load bearing.]
...But if you really want one, take the fuckin'-- the extra bedroom. 's all yours. Not like I use the thing. Promise I won't go in there if it'll keep you from bitching.
[Your nation is very poor (compared to Tartaros) Satan, Mammon has to make sure you do actually understand the differences. He smiling away as he rechecks the card, ignoring Satan's outburst and focusing on that instead.] Ah! They did! How amusing.
I know, you've been very good. [Mammon praises Satan, because he has been good! But he also knows how difficult it was to hold back for both of them. They were both behaving so well, and no one here really realizes that other than each other.] However I would not want the temptation to be placed in front of you. That would not be kind to you. [A moment to think.] That is true, since we lay in the same bed. [Satan sleeps, Mammon less so, but he still lies down when Satan wants to sleep.] I like that solution until we can afford our own place.
I am not letting you pick that. [Not after the 'shop' you picked for KFC, Satan.]
Fine. You pick the fuckin' place, once we get one. You pick your fancy fuckin' place, with plenty of rooms for all the shit you drag home, and I'll avoid destroying it. Happy birthday for next year, bitch.
[RUINED HIS MOOD. But this ain't about him, not this month!! So Satan'll take that lump, grunting and grumbling away under his breath. No more crunching, at least right now.]
Do whatever you want with that money. I don't care. It's yours. Save it for the new place, buy somethin', keep it. But it's-- symbolic, I guess. As well as just money. So you better appreciate that.
[Aww, Satan, don't be like that! Mammon moving around the table to pat a hand to Satan's head.] Thank you. It is a small gift compared to what I am used to, but it is a good gift. I will put it to good use with something I will enjoy! I promise you.
[More head patting while he speaks.] Would you like to try the gift I got you? I may not be able to hold celebrations like I would back in Tartaros for today, but I wanted to do something for those important to me. [And Satan is very important to Mammon, always has been. Satan is his! But he's also his friend. His comrade. Someone he enjoys being around and would do anything for.]
Yeah yeah...Long as you acknowledge that it's a great damn gift.
[The pets help. They almost always do, alas.] And yeah, that's why I got glasses out. I put it in the fridge soon as I saw you got it for me, and ran home so I could get it out but it'd still be cold.
You wanna open it? Do the honours, birthday boy? I know it's a gift for me, but I dunno-- it's always felt weird, even if that's just you. I wanna do something more for you, so you should at least get the best part of champagne.
[A beat. He twists his mouth, before gently butting a horn against Mammon's side, careful to not stab him.] I brought some sheets of that edible gold shit from work, too. So we can fuck around trying to put that in the booze before we give up.
[Mammon lets out a laugh.] I shall! Though I suppose it would be suitable if you tried to open it with your teeth, or smashed it open. [His laughter then softening to a smile as Satan adds that,] You did? That's very kind of you since I know you do not care about it on your food. [Aw, Satan, you're being so cute right now! This resulting in more head patting on Mammon's part.
Before he chuckles.] I am not sure I like this more or your normal gift to me. [Aka, Satan showing up to punch or kick Mammon before leaving again.]
And that punch... well... he's still glad to get it. Because it was normal for them. In a very abnormal situation, the lack of impact behind it reminding Mammon of that. Mammon chuckling as he takes that hit, unable to stop himself noticing how weak it was compared to normal, before heading to the kitchen to grab their drink.]
Maybe we can use that gold for something else as well afterwards, since it will not vanish like mine does now days.
Yeah? What's your main idea? 'Cause sticking it to itself is gonna take forever and cost way too much to be worth it. Can't make a real bullion without wasting money.
[Hmmmmm. Sounds like someone tried it. And probably wasted at least a few sheets before giving up. Just a handful, honest!]
You wanna stick it on some normal food, make dinner fancy? We can do that!
[Mammon chuckles as he grabs that bottle of wine, taking a moment to make sure to open it carefully to not damage the casing on it, and returning to fill their glasses. He knows Satan won't care, he'll just drink it no matter how good or poor it is. And he will also be getting Mammon's left over wine as well after a sip.]
I was thinking more covering you with them and licking them off your skin. [Mammon smiling as he holds out Satan's glass towards him.]
[Satan squints. Stares Mammon down, cogs almost visibly turning in his head. Sniffs the glass once it's proffered, as if he gives a shit about what it tastes like when it's not his favourite kind anyway. Keeps staring, squinting, humming.]
...If I get gold shit in my fuckin' asshole, I'll kill you. We clear?
[Mammon laughs brightly at Satan's irritation.] That was not where I was thinking of use it. I promise, I will not use gold for lubrication with you, unless we are ever in a situation where no other alternative is available. In fact, I believe I should carry some with me normally. One of the humans raised concerns with using gold with them. I was not aware it may not be good for the human body.
However I think I will still get some that is gold colored. [Because of course he would.
But for now, Mammon raises his glass.] Thank you for celebrating my birthday with me, Satan.
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And opening the door he finds... not a lot. That's fine. This has been quite the learning experience once again for him, for how little was done for his birthday. Satan would find that out himself soon, something Mammon must keep in mind to celebrate his friend next month. To try and find something truly Gehennan for him.
Until then however,] Oh? And what might this be?
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It's independence, Mammon. It's something that's ours. And since the place isn't all that great yet, even if I did it for you-- I figured this'd be a better present. Actual money. Just for you. Been stashing it in my pillowcase, kahahaha!
[And he expectantly nudges the envelope forward, looking very, very pleased with himself all the while.] Plus I got all the girls to write something in a card in there, too. Lots of 'looking forward to working with you' shit, but next year it'll be better, I bet.
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And yet, a glance at the money, and knowing what was in their accounting books, plus taking into consideration other sources... yes, it looked correct. Mammon taking a moment to also look at the card, reading it over and holding it carefully as if it was made from gold. Something precious. Because it was a gift. And it was his.] One mentioned my chest in it. [Ha! Cute.
With his moment of concern relieved, Mammon smiles to Satan.] Thank you. It is a most suitable gift, I shall put it to good use. [Ah, with that thought as well,] Satan, we need to dedicate a place in the apartment you will not damage. [Aka, Mammon needs a treasury room! Or a treasury corner at least. For his stuff.]
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[Huff puff. Fuck you bro they are HIS people! How very dare you. But it's to be expected, really; who couldn't go gooey over Mammon's smile, after all?
Bar Satan. Who grits his teeth even more at that blithe jab. Crunch. It's been a hot minute since the last Crunch.] I've been avoiding breaking shit, you know. You act like I tear shit down all the time! I've been good! Got a lotta stress out knocking out some of the shit at the restaurant. [Like load bearing walls. No, kidding, not anything load bearing.]
...But if you really want one, take the fuckin'-- the extra bedroom. 's all yours. Not like I use the thing. Promise I won't go in there if it'll keep you from bitching.
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I know, you've been very good. [Mammon praises Satan, because he has been good! But he also knows how difficult it was to hold back for both of them. They were both behaving so well, and no one here really realizes that other than each other.] However I would not want the temptation to be placed in front of you. That would not be kind to you. [A moment to think.] That is true, since we lay in the same bed. [Satan sleeps, Mammon less so, but he still lies down when Satan wants to sleep.] I like that solution until we can afford our own place.
I am not letting you pick that. [Not after the 'shop' you picked for KFC, Satan.]
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[RUINED HIS MOOD. But this ain't about him, not this month!! So Satan'll take that lump, grunting and grumbling away under his breath. No more crunching, at least right now.]
Do whatever you want with that money. I don't care. It's yours. Save it for the new place, buy somethin', keep it. But it's-- symbolic, I guess. As well as just money. So you better appreciate that.
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[More head patting while he speaks.] Would you like to try the gift I got you? I may not be able to hold celebrations like I would back in Tartaros for today, but I wanted to do something for those important to me. [And Satan is very important to Mammon, always has been. Satan is his! But he's also his friend. His comrade. Someone he enjoys being around and would do anything for.]
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[The pets help. They almost always do, alas.] And yeah, that's why I got glasses out. I put it in the fridge soon as I saw you got it for me, and ran home so I could get it out but it'd still be cold.
You wanna open it? Do the honours, birthday boy? I know it's a gift for me, but I dunno-- it's always felt weird, even if that's just you. I wanna do something more for you, so you should at least get the best part of champagne.
[A beat. He twists his mouth, before gently butting a horn against Mammon's side, careful to not stab him.] I brought some sheets of that edible gold shit from work, too. So we can fuck around trying to put that in the booze before we give up.
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Before he chuckles.] I am not sure I like this more or your normal gift to me. [Aka, Satan showing up to punch or kick Mammon before leaving again.]
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[Ha ha ha ha ha. Fuck it though, why not? This birthday deserves more presents than normal, too, so Satan's just going to wind back one arm.]
Brace. Then we fuck around with the gold in the champagne.
[And he
well, you know.
Socks Mammon right in the ass.]
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And that punch... well... he's still glad to get it. Because it was normal for them. In a very abnormal situation, the lack of impact behind it reminding Mammon of that. Mammon chuckling as he takes that hit, unable to stop himself noticing how weak it was compared to normal, before heading to the kitchen to grab their drink.]
Maybe we can use that gold for something else as well afterwards, since it will not vanish like mine does now days.
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[Hmmmmm. Sounds like someone tried it. And probably wasted at least a few sheets before giving up. Just a handful, honest!]
You wanna stick it on some normal food, make dinner fancy? We can do that!
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I was thinking more covering you with them and licking them off your skin. [Mammon smiling as he holds out Satan's glass towards him.]
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[Satan squints. Stares Mammon down, cogs almost visibly turning in his head. Sniffs the glass once it's proffered, as if he gives a shit about what it tastes like when it's not his favourite kind anyway. Keeps staring, squinting, humming.]
...If I get gold shit in my fuckin' asshole, I'll kill you. We clear?
do the deed? or fade to black before sexy times?
However I think I will still get some that is gold colored. [Because of course he would.
But for now, Mammon raises his glass.] Thank you for celebrating my birthday with me, Satan.